Motherhood

JOY AND WOE ARE WOVEN FINE

Posted on by Lynzie · Leave a comment

orangetulips

Early Friday morning, I learned that my son’s class teacher will be stepping down at the end of this year. This is devastating news as she is both a brilliant educator and a remarkable lady. Emet loved her from the moment they first met, a few days before third grade began. She has been a bright light in his journey through his Waldorf education, and while we will miss her deeply, we are comforted by the fact that the person whom the faculty has selected to take the class through middle school is another beloved teacher at our school.

Still, there is sadness. Having to send my tender hearted eleven year old off to class knowing the news he was about to receive from his dear teacher was not an easy way to begin the day, that is for sure.

One of the reasons she, his teacher, gave to us parents as to her departure was that she has found it increasingly difficult to strike a harmonious work/life balance. I couldn’t agree more with her sentiment, it is the very reason why I choose to remain in a supporting role at our school as opposed to a full-time faculty member. I have been a lead teacher, and it is consuming. My heart goes out to her, it really does.

There is a great lesson in this for my son, one that I hope he’ll come to with time. You see, we’ve moved around a lot, having been to five different Waldorf schools. Emet has been “the new kid” nearly every year of his academic career. For the first time in his life, he is the one staying, not the one leaving. This is an opportunity for him to gain a tremendous amount of perspective, but it is not for me to tell him that. He must arrive at his own truth, in his own way, whenever it is that he’s ready to do so. In the meantime, I’ll be here to listen to his worries and to remind him how lucky he’s been to have had these last three years with such a wonderful person as his guide. In a way, it will be his first broken heart, for he truly does love her. Which is exactly how it’s supposed to be in a Waldorf school.

In her email to us parents, our lovely class teacher so wisely reminded us that “the children will look to us adults for cues on how to process this. We want them to understand that change is a part of life, not something catastrophic or unmanageable. When we say goodbye to the past, we welcome the future. All will be well.”

And that’s just it, really. Change is simply another word for evolution, and we should all be so lucky as to evolve. Granted, that doesn’t make it any easier, awareness doesn’t soften the lump that lodged itself in my throat the moment I first read her poignant letter. But it does somehow make the pain seem purposeful, that the tears I’m shedding are really just my heart’s way of making room for what is to come.

When I picked the kids up from school later that day, I brought along with me a simple bouquet of tulips for each of the fine teachers that are currently carrying this class, one of them holding their past, the other their future.

As we pulled into the parking lot, I spotted his new teacher, who happens to be someone with whom I already have a friendly personal relationship outside of our colleagueship. I called her over to my car and handed her the flowers, telling her that I love her and I’m grateful to her for being willing to step in to such an important position. Truly, I do think that there couldn’t be a better person for the job. She is magnificent.

I made my way over Emet on the aftercare yard, after being showered with lots of love from many of my precious first graders who were playing in the sandbox and swing set, where he was immersed in a game of Kendama though the solemnity of the day was apparent. I told him I had something for him to give his beloved teacher, and tears welled up in his eyes. We walked to the car, after gathering ourselves and our things, and then headed to his fifth grade classroom, where we found his sweet teacher tidying up the room.

I’m glad we were able to share a few quiet moments together, honoring her and the carefully considered decision she has made to move on from teaching. And while our hearts are heavy with the burden of her imminent departure, we fondly bid her farewell with gratitude for the many gifts she has given all of us – her students and their parents alike – lessons which will serve us in whatever it is the future may bring. I can only hope that she finds whatever it is that she seeks, for she deserves every happiness her golden heart desires.

Joy and woe are woven fine,
A clothing for the soul divine,
Under every grief and pine,
Runs a joy of silken twine.

It is right, it must be so,
Man was made for joy and woe.
And if this we rightly know,
Through the world we safely go.

William Blake

ALL HEARTS FOR FEBRUARY

Posted on by Lynzie · Leave a comment

peonyinside

I’ll bet I’m not the only one who’s slightly relieved to see January come and go. This January, especially.

I’m happy to report that all is quiet on the western medical front, knock on wood. I made another batch of stock yesterday of which my tiny guy heartily slurped up two bowls, and wouldn’t you know it, but he slept so well last night he forgot to wake me up on time for school this morning. He’s my little chicken lover, and I’m slowly coming to terms with this new lifestyle we seem to have adopted. But if it’s chicken that’s going to make that baby of mine finally get some sleep, so be it.

I did think it very interesting that a person I admire who’s dietary journey is very much guided by her health shared her own story of reincorporating animal products into the food she eats last week. She wrote two really funny, honest pieces which can be found here and here and are each worthy reads.

Someone is 50 (FIFTY!) weeks old today, and is just about the sweetest, most angelic, gumdrop of a baby. I can barely wrap my head around the fact that we are actually planning his first birthday party.

But first, Valentine’s Day! It’s not so much that I love the holiday itself, but I’m positively head over heels for love. And hearts. And crafting! And chocolate!! AND FLOWERS!!! Not to get carried away or anything, but I’m pretty darn excited to celebrate this year. I’ve got myself the four sweetest valentines a gal could ever want, plus there is something about surviving a personal crisis that makes me all gooey and sentimental inside. Maybe it’s the drugs they gave me, but ever since I woke up from anesthesia, I’ve been extra giddy and overly optimistic. I’m certainly not complaining, and I don’t think my family is either.

A good mood is like a fresh start, all shiny and bubbling with possibility. I’ve parlayed this particular burst of creativity into making plans for new + exciting ventures with my husband-to-be. To start to put into action something that we’ve talked about since the very beginning of our relationship is like turning a little once upon a time dream into our current reality.

I look forward to sharing more soon!

RESOLVE ON THE GOOD

Posted on by Lynzie · 2 Comments

emetjadegreenhill14

The one good thing about being confined and immobile during an MRI scan is that there is nothing to do but think!

This year has gotten off to an interesting start. A change in our family dynamic, right of the bat, with a side of medical drama, to keep things interesting. We’ve undergone a bit of unexpected restructuring, and I’ll be taking a temporary leave-of-absence from teaching in order to assume the role of primary caretaker of one Roux Huckleberry Baker, duties previously belonging to his most handsome and capable father, who has become far too busy otherwise to adequately care for the baby whose needs have grown exponentially over the past few months.

The bottom line is, it is B’s design work that supports our family. My income is supplementary at best, which is to say, it would cost more to hire a nanny or to put him in daycare than it does for me to stay home. Furthermore, I should be the one escorting him to doctors visits and to have his blood drawn, and vise versa. So I’m doing just that, taking time off to care for my baby. And to care for myself, but that is an entirely different matter.

I can’t tell you how agonizing a decision this was for me to make.

Of course, I have been plenty busy navigating the bureaucratic + scheduling fiasco that is the health system of which the baby and I are both patients, and have been, since the day his life began. We will have had at least six separate visits to our different doctors this month alone, not to mention a surgery, and hopefully a clean bill of health, times two. In the meantime, my anxiety is peaking and the baby is teething, which is to say, my nerves are shot to shit.

Thankfully, the tumor in my leg is benign, a lipoma of unknown origin, which I will be having removed tomorrow. I’m told it is an ambulatory procedure, more like having wisdom teeth extracted than a veritable operation. Still, I don’t like the idea of being put to sleep, it gives me the heebiejeebies. That it is a relative non-issue is a huge relief, because I was a little bit freaked out for a hot minute there, and having been through the devastatingly aggressive surgery that produced my darling little Huckleberry, I have been able to muster up a new brand of confidence toward the whole surgical situation.

The baby, well, his bloodwork has improved to some degree, but he is still extremely mineral deficient. He’ll have another hemoglobin test in a month to determine whether he’ll need another full panel, but the doctors are all hopeful that because he’s shown improvement already, that we’re headed in the right direction. This means that we – he and I, because I’m still nursing him, we’re still a team – we must be on a rigorous diet of easily absorbable iron sources, and watch his vital signs carefully.

Which brings me to our diet, which has changed dramatically over the last month and a half. In a way I could never have foreseen, but then again, one can never underestimate then lengths to which a mother will go when it comes to the health and wellbeing of her children.

The long and short of it is that iron is a supremely difficult mineral for a body, any body to absorb. In synthetic form, it can be harmful. In fact, iron overdose is one of the leading causes of death in children under six. My own body has always reacted negatively to synthetic iron, and I had a feeling Roux would be the same.

It took only one dose for it to be clear to us that supplementation was not an option, that we were going to need to fortify his diet. Thanks to the support and guidance of a lovely tribe of ladies, who all enthusiastically ascribe to and practice the art of “ancestral cuisine” which draws heavily upon the teachings of Weston A. Price, I’ve come to the realization that if I want to practice the age-old adage that is “let thy food be thy medicine”, I have to fully embrace what that actually means.

So. In short, chicken broth.

Chicken broth, the real stuff, is sometimes called Jewish penicillin for a reason. There are a lot of easily absorbable nutrients in chicken broth. And eggs. Nutrients that my baby needs, and needs badly.

To an ethical vegan, this can be a real dilemma. I sat with this question for close to a month before arriving at this conclusion: I would rather feed my child something that is divinely created and ethically harvested (sustainably raised chicken) versus something cooked up in a lab (prescription iron supplements). There is something infinitely more wholesome in boiling a chicken to make soup – something nearly everyone’s grandmother has done, mine included – than there is in taking drops that ultimately make my baby sick to his stomach.

His love for chicken broth, and eggs, is all that I need to know that feeding him – and myself, remember, we’re a team – these things is exactly what I’m supposed to be doing right now.

That all of this went down during resolution season was not at all lost on me.

What it comes down to, is doing what’s best. To strive to stand up for whatever it is that is in the best interest of my family.

Steiner, my forever teacher, offers this particular verse, which I’ve adopted as my motto for the year, as one part in particular has been my personal refrain for this season of my life.

To wonder at beauty,
Stand guard over truth,
Look up to the noble,
Resolve on the good.
This leadeth us truly,
To might in our doing,
To peace in our feeling,
To light in our thinking,
And teaches us trust
In the working of God,
In all that there is,
In the width of the world,
And the depth of the soul.

Today is my half-birthday. (And also, it’s my beloved’s birthday. We’re birthday twins. Just another reason we know we’re MFEO.) What this means is that it’s been six months since I last wrote a list of goals, one which I’ve kept a close eye on, but one which is filled with many things yet to be checked off.

Except our house! We all put in a lot of effort, and together we got this place so entirely organized, it’s almost like real grown-ups live here. We’ve also managed to keep it in such condition, for the most part. Again, real grown-ups.

My point is this, the things that I’m striving for in my life are basically the same, but the angle from which I’m approaching these things has definitely shifted.

Six months ago, I was still struggling with feeling well each day. Now, even as I stare surgery in the face, I feel better than I have in a long time. Having the courage to listen to what my gut was telling me from a very primal level – care for my baby, care for myself, feed my family from a place of traditional nourishment – has helped me to reconnect, to feel aligned with my purpose, to emerge from a dark place stronger and more self-compassionate. These are things I needed greatly in order to truly be able to tackle some of the goals I set for myself. Now with a better sense of the person I have grown into, I’m able to have a clearer vision of how it is I am to go about achieving them, or at the very least, putting them into motion.

I have a lot of hope for the year that lies ahead. If the year that has passed taught me anything at all, it is that often the best of times are born out of the greatest challenges.

01/52 // THE 52 PROJECT REVISITED

Posted on by Lynzie · 2 Comments

emetkendamajan715

jaderunjan715

rouxswingjan715

“a portrait of my children, once a week, every week, in 2015”

emet: his current obsession.
jade: my child wild.
roux: the quiet observer.

A lot more than this portrait series got away from me last year, that’s for sure. While I’m not one to harbor regret, I can say with a great deal of certainty that I simply did not slow down enough to enjoy the little things, and away they slipped. With nearly a full week behind us already, it seemed as if this year was headed in much the same manner, which is precisely why, instead of driving straight home after school this afternoon, we took a small detour to the playground. It’s amazing how special half an hour can feel, even on an ordinary Wednesday afternoon.

RANDOM THOUGHTS ON THE LAST TUESDAY OF 2014

Posted on by Lynzie · 1 Comment

babytoestowel

baby toes. you’re welcome.

My big kids just left for their weekly overnight with their father, that stubborn tiny guy of mine is finally finally napping, and the house is both quiet and clean, leaving me a moment to sit and gather my thoughts. Clickety clack.

I honestly can’t believe how quickly this year flew by. I’ve said this a million times already, but only because it is so very true.

Then again, I feel about a bajillion miles away from the person I was at this time last year. And really, the only thing I miss about being her was that she was pregnant. I will always miss being pregnant. I didn’t want it to end. But it did, and that is when the life of my Huckleberry friend began, and what a glorious thing it is to get to be that boy’s mama. He is so delicious.

Life with a preteen, a second grader, and an infant is blindingly exhausting, I will just come right out and say it. But only in the very best possible way. These little people, one of whom is an inch shy of standing eye to eye with his mother, they are remarkable. I am in awe of them, their talents, their thoughts, and am so very inspired by the way in which they each face the tests they are given with grace, dignity, and confidence. I’ll say it until the day there is no breath left in my lungs, they have taught me more than I could ever teach them in a hundred thousand lifetimes. They are brilliant, and I’m lucky they chose me. The luckiest.

And then there is this man I’m going to marry. He’s something else. The whole of the universe conspired to bring us together, and this little blended family we’ve created is of what I am most proud. We have had some wild adventures together, this tribe of mine, moving more times in four years than some ever do. Which is why getting to celebrate New Year’s Eve in the very same house where we celebrated last year is so significant: the last time this happened, Jade was a year old.

Who knows how long we’ll be in this place. We are, after all, a rambunctious bunch cursed with wild and extravagant imaginations, for whom things like relocating to the French Countryside sound not only practical, but down right necessary. With a brief stop in New York City on the way, of course. As you do. But being here, in sunny San Diego, has helped each of us to thrive in a way I don’t think any other place could have. It’s an expensive place to live, you can be sure, but it’s worth it. I like to call it the Sun Tax. You pay for what you get! I’m looking at you, Oregon.

As for me, this has been a deeply, profoundly personal year. I am not who I was, even two months ago. I’m even eating eggs, but that is a story for another day. My point is that there are some years where I have gone, didn’t I accomplish anything? But not this year. This was a year of doing. I did a lot. Maybe more than any other year of my life, big things, small things, things only me and my Creator know about, so many things. To list them would be in poor taste, I think, because it feels a little bit like gloating. So instead, I will say this. Good things come to those who wait, work hard, and want it bad enough.

You guys, the baby is still sleeping (!) and I think I actually just wrote something from start to finish, without being interrupted once. THIS ALMOST NEVER HAPPENS. Maybe I should go paint my nails, or even crazier, take a nap myself. What I should definitely do is eat some lunch, which is to say it’s time for me to beg my mister to take me out for burritos when the baby wakes up from the nap I was pretty sure he was never going to take.

Look at how much I can get done when you sleep, Roux!

A DREAM IS A WISH YOUR HEART MAKES

Posted on by Lynzie · Leave a comment

babyjade2008

this photo is old and blurry, but i love it. mostly because it was taken by emet, but also, her eyes. and that runny nose!

I was raised on fairy tales of the Disney variety, never thinking twice that the good people at the House of Mouse weren’t actually the ones responsible for those stories. So, naturally, when I discovered the Brothers Grimm, I was a little miffed that ol’ Walt and his team of animators positively bastardized the complexities of the German folklore.

When Emet was born, one of the sweetest gifts I was given was a complete and unabridged collection of the original Grimm’s Fairy Tales. I suppose the only thing more complete would be an untranslated version, but sprechen sie Deutsch I do not. So, English it was, and oh! The language in those stories is just poetic.

It was a few years later, when I was in training to become a Waldorf teacher, that I learned just how important these particular narratives – and the eloquent language contained therewithin – are to young children. The curriculum of the Early Childhood and the First Grade are based entirely upon classic fairy tales and so it was that I decided my children would not bear witness to the animated movies of my childhood. Also, I’m of the media-free childhood persuasion, so it wasn’t really an issue.

As my children have grown, they have indeed been exposed to their fair share of movies and television shows, albeit far less than the average American child. And yet, purely by coincidence, the Disney movies were left unwatched. A few months ago, we were at a restaurant where each of my big kids were given a coloring page. Emet’s was Sponge Bob, and Jade’s was Belle. And while Mr. Squarepants was instantly recognized by the both of them, neither Emet nor Jade could name the princess or the film from whence she came. I felt a little bit proud and a little bit sad, because truly, I loved those movies. LOVED THEM.

So, when my handsome mister called me into his office a week or so ago to show me a trailer he’d come across of a live-action version of Cinderella due to hit theaters this coming Spring, I rolled my eyes a little because, honestly, how good could it be? Only so good that I cried. Not once, not twice, but three times. Every hair on my body was standing on end, and the flutters in my heart told me I had to share this with my daughter.

I will never forget her eyes as she watched, like saucers they were, filled with stars and fairy dust and all the magic I remember from when I was a little girl. In that moment, I knew exactly what I had to do. Why, read her Ashputtel of course, a tale which she’s heard at least a half dozen times.

When Christmas morning came, there was a small package finished with glittering gold ribbon addressed to the youngest maiden of the house. And when she opened it up, she squealed with delight to find her very own copy of Disney’s Cinderella.

To be honest, I can’t remember the last time I saw that movie. I’m almost positive I was Jade’s age, or thereabouts. But when she and I sat down later Christmas day to watch it together, from the moment the first note of the overture sounded, I was mesmerized. I remembered all the songs, all the funny little things the mice say, all the magic. Sharing this film with my beautiful girl, at an age when she is more than ready to appreciate it purely as entertainment, well, it was perfect.

She and I have a date to the movie theatre this coming March, and we are so excited we can hardly stand it!

THE CROWNING OF THE YEAR

Posted on by Lynzie · 1 Comment

bokehtree

This is it, folks. The home stretch. All the candles on the Advent Wreath are illuminated, we’re more than halfway through Hanukkah, and tonight is the longest night of the year which might be the one I look forward to most of all. I love a good Winter Solstice the way I love a good song, a firm tug on the old heartstrings kind of thing. Also, there’s a new moon tonight and I read somewhere on Instagram that this will actually be the longest night in history? I’m not sure about that last bit, but it sure sounded mystical.

This part of the year just gets me, you guys. It’s my spirit season, I think, because I’m always filled with so much gratitude and inspiration, something about looking back and forward all at once, celebrating what has been and what is yet to come. All the caroling and cookie baking and tidings of good cheer, all the decorations and the stories and the movies, this stuff thrills me through and through.

We spent nine straight hours cleaning our house today – it might actually be shining like the top of Chrysler Building, thank you very much Mrs. Hannigan – and tomorrow morning, the Salvation Army will be coming by to collect a dozen bags filled with things that have worn their welcome with us but that might find new purpose elsewhere. I’ve intended to make this a sort of tradition for the past few years, and the fact that I’ve finally managed to pull it all together is extremely gratifying.

With only four sleeps until Christmas morning, the excitement is mounting by the minute. Our halls have had a proper decking and our tree is finally all gussied up in her holiday finest after spending three straight weeks standing in our living room naked as the day we brought her home from the lot. I’ve named her Aster, fitting for the lovely late bloomer she’s turned out to be, and she smells divine.

There are a few projects that need finishing, a few packages that need wrapping, and at least a half dozen movies that need watching before the big day arrives, not to mention countless cookies that need to be baked and eaten. All the makings of a cozy, quiet, homemade holiday with my happy, healthy(-ish, we’ve got some coughs and runny noses), adorable family in our super clean home in the hills of sunny San Diego. All my Christmas wishes granted, and I haven’t even opened a single present!

Wishing you and yours a week filled with joy, from the bottom of my very happy heart.

THANKSGIVING WEEKEND RECAP

Posted on by Lynzie · Leave a comment

thanksgiving2014

a feast so nice, I made it twice

I’m in complete denial of the fact that twelve hours from now I’ll be in the middle of first grade main lesson. This break shaped up to be everything I wanted it to be and I just don’t want it to end. I’m already dreading kissing that baby goodbye, the familiar pit in my stomach having returned after taking a few days off, long enough for me to entirely reconsider our present arrangement.

Being at home has been good, real heart warming and such. This family of mine is something else, tantrums and all. Eleven and eight is just about as far apart as three years can get, is what I’ve come to think about the whole situation. That it’s a phase doesn’t make it any more tolerable, however, so patience can be tested and often is. But between the erratic sleeping schedule of our precious nine month old and the seemingly constant bickering of the elder siblings, we all managed to really relax over the Holiday weekend. Even B was able to unplug from work for a few days, something that very rarely happens, which made everything that much more cozy and delightful.

We watched our fair share of seasonal flicks:

Christmas Classics, Volume One
How the Grinch Stole Christmas (1966)
Arthur’s Christmas
Elf
A Muppet Christmas Carol
Miracle on 34th Street (1994)

We ate more than our fair share of festive fare:

Mashed Potatoes with Broccoli, White Carrots, and Chives
Roasted Brussels Sprouts
Leek and French Lentil Gravy
Butter Lettuce Salad with Persian Cucumber, Black Olive, Purple Carrot, Pomegranate Seed, and Avocado with a Shallot Champagne Vinaigrette
Stuffffing
Cranberry Sauce
Dinner Rolls
Pumpkin Pie
Maple Bourbon Apple Pie
S’mores Bites

Most of my time since Wednesday has been spent in the kitchen and frankly, I wouldn’t have it any other way. And yes, everything was delicious. Which is why I made almost all of it again from scratch on Saturday, mostly because there was a surplus of cranberry sauce and no leftovers left, but plenty of on-hand ingredients. Including the most important ingredient of all, time.

Oh, spare time. You elusive unicorn. How I have reveled in your luxury.

Also, one of my dearest friends for nearly twenty years came and spent the weekend with us. And to top things off, we got our Christmas tree this afternoon. She doesn’t have a name yet, but she’s a beauty.

I might not have gotten my act together in time to set up our Advent wreath or bake any molasses cookies, but the scent of evergreen is swirling through the air and it’s beginning to look a lot like you know what.

Hallelujah!

THANKSGIVING EVE

Posted on by Lynzie · Leave a comment

forsunandrain

a blessing from Jade’s second grade class

It’s just before midnight, which means that by the time I’m finished writing this, my pumpkin pie will be fresh out of the oven and it will officially be Thanksgiving.

Prep Day was every bit as wonderful as I hoped it would be, surprisingly much less chaotic, even. I might actually serve our meal on time! Although, I didn’t take nearly as many photos as I had intended. One of these days I’ll figure that part out. But for now, I’m pleased just to have things so neatly organized. I’m anticipating another fun day in the kitchen pulling everything together, especially the part where my daughter and I set the table.

And then we feast!

As is customary on this occasion, I present unto you my Thankful List.

My family, above all my family. I am so lucky to share my life with my sweet mister, a man so kind and hard-working, who cares for me and my children in such a beautiful way. The three little spirits that chose me to be their mama are my biggest inspiration, and my proudest accomplishment. Being a mother is a fundamental part of my identity, and watching these three grow makes me happier than anything else on Earth.

Our life here in San Diego is beyond my wildest dreams. Our house, our neighborhood, our school, our friends, all of it is just so good. Granted, it’s obscenely expensive and a lot of hustling is required in order for us to stay, but we’ve lived at the same address going on fifteen months and I’m so grateful to get to have this experience.

There are a million different little things like late night sewing, strong coffee, good comedy, the sound of my children laughing, the way B’s neck smells, I simply could not list them all here. But it is these little things that conspire to make my life so darn lovely, and I’m never not aware of what a lucky girl I am.

I have been challenged this year in many ways, but none so agonizing as day my tiny guy was born. Those nine days, and the nine months that followed, taught me about faith and resilience, opening my eyes and my heart to the delicacy in each and every moment. I am a different person than I was before I was put under anesthesia, and it’s hard not to be grateful for something, even something awful, that I believe actually bettered me.

Before I go, I want to let you in on one of my little secrets. The night before Thanksgiving, I put a whole bunch of vegetable scraps (like the ones I gathered while prepping the stuffing, salad, and gravy) into my crock pot along with a handful of fresh herbs and a sprinkling of some spices, cover it all up with water, turn that sucker on low, and let the savory aroma of fresh vegetable stock filter through my house all night long. When we wake up, the air will be positively intoxicating, and I’ll not have cooked a darn thing yet. It’s a great way to get the day started, in my humble opinion, as there is definitely something rather wholesome and fulfilling to a house smelling so delicious.

With that, I’m off. Wishing you and yours a very cozy and very yummy Holiday!

READY, SET, CELEBRATE

Posted on by Lynzie · 1 Comment

piecrust

last year’s pie in progress, which will definitely be making a repeat performance this year

Cue the carols and pop the champagne, it’s Prep Day!

I think today might be my favorite day of the year, if I had to choose just one. Fact is, there is absolutely nothing at all that warms me to the core the way spending hours in the kitchen cooking for the people I love most does, especially when the meal I’m preparing happens to be our Thanksgiving Feast. It is perhaps the only occasion that requires meticulous planning and expert execution in terms of my culinary prowess, which is to say it’s the one time I feel even a little bit like a real chef, my not-so-secret aspiration.

I headed to the markets early this morning, fully prepared to brave absolute chaos as penance for my procrastination, when instead I was treated to the most charming and fortuitous shopping experience ever at both Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods, and if you’re a Central San Diego local, you know exactly how truly special an event this was. Parking spot directly across from the front entrance? Check, check. Every ingredient I needed (and then some, ahem)? Check, check. No lines and friendly cashiers? Check, check! Bonus points to the cute old ladies at TJ’s, whom I was more than happy to assist in locating the green beans. Did I mention that I was alone? CHECK, CHECK, CHECK!!!

Homeward bound, laden with delicious abundance, this is when the Holidays really begin. The next 24 hours will be spent carefully and lovingly crafting a positively royal spread to be enjoyed by the finest of folk, followed immediately by Christmas movies + cookies + the decking of our halls. It just doesn’t get any better, it really doesn’t.

I have so so so much gratitude bursting forth from my soul for all the many blessings that have been showered upon me this year. Yes, it has been a painful year, quite literally so, but it’s also been the kind of year that is transformative. I can’t remember the last time I cooked Thanksgiving in the same kitchen two years in a row because I don’t think it has ever happened before. We are so fortunate to call this place home, and even more fortunate are we to have added a new place setting at our Holiday table, for one Roux Huckleberry, the most scrumptious baby in all the land. You can bet I will be nibbling on him for dessert tomorrow, thank you very much.

The time has come for me to throw on my apron and get to work. I’m trying my hand at plant-based pumpkin pie, a special request from my eldest child, along with all of our favorite festive dishes. And stuffing. Stuffffing. Lots of good things in store for our bellies, my friends, and I wish the very same to you. Happy Thanksgiving!