ONE

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And just like that, the first month of his life has passed. And what a month it was, full of surprises and challenges and so much love. The kind of month that changes you in such a way that you can barely remember what it was like before.

To celebrate this milestone, we gave our tiny guy his very first bath. And let me tell you, he was not impressed with the gesture.

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He was really upset about being wet.

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Turns out, there aren’t many things that make my Huckleberry friend angry, but diaper changes and baths are at the very top of the list.

He’s a remarkably peaceful baby, generally content and easily soothed. Of course, he loves his mama’s arms most of all, followed closely by daddy’s chest. He is always happy to be worn, skin to skin, in my Solly Baby Wrap, and has his very own cozy spot in nearly every room of our home. In fact, he’s napping in his wooly-lined Moses basket right next to me as I type this, all bundled and smelling fresh.

Because he’s still so small, our main task is to get his weight up, which means we’re on a strict feeding regimen. He and I spend a lot of time together learning our nursing habits, which is fine by me because nursing a baby is one of my most favorite things in life, ever. We had our first bottle-free day today, a huge success in the world of premature infant nutrition. Tomorrow, we’ll see his pediatrician – a young doctor who was present at his birth – for our fifth (yes, fifth) weight check since being discharged from the NICU. Fingers crossed we’re over five pounds!

Life with a brand new baby is a lot of things, and not all of them easy. But life with this brand new baby is nothing if not spectacular.

Oh, Roux Huckleberry! Thank you for choosing our family, for bringing your sweet spirit and positive energy into our home, and for being so darn cute. Everything is better because of you. We love you so.

11/52

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“a portrait of my children, once a week, every week, for 2014”

Emet Preston: His wise eyes.
Jade Eloise: Mama’s little helper.
Roux Huckleberry: 27 days old.

It was about this time, exactly one month ago, when things got very interesting. The hardest part about being admitted into UCSD Medical Center was having to contend with their silly flu season policy, which prevents any person under the age of 12 from entering the hospital. Of course we weren’t aware of this until we’d arrived with both big kids in tow, dressed in their pajamas because it was past their bedtime on a Sunday night.

Kissing their sweet faces goodbye, and not having a clue as to what was going to happen next, was just about the hardest thing I’d ever done. That is, until a few hours later, when I was forced to face my biggest fears and most terrifying demons, in order to bring that precious tiny guy into the world.

But here we are, four weeks later, and nothing makes me happier than those three little people. And my handsome fiancé, of course.

I am so damn lucky.

THE 52 PROJECT – AN UPDATE

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“a portrait of my children, all three of them”

Well, it’s been a busy few weeks over here. With everything that has happened recently – a nearly ten day hospital stay, a new baby, a handsome fiancĂ©, and not a lot of sleep – my personal projects have fallen a bit by the wayside. I had the most noble intentions when it came to this portrait series, and it seems that at this point, I’ll just have to take what I can get and work with it as best I can. Which, not for nothing, seems to be a current theme in my life.

Emet has wanted a baby brother for as long as I can remember, and seeing how much he loves and cares for the newest member of our family is absolutely priceless. He takes his role as the oldest very seriously. Whether he’s reading to his sister, or fawning over our tiny guy, the love he has for his younger siblings is unsurpassed. Jade is over the moon excited about having a baby in the house, being the little mama that she is. The days since bringing our bundle home from the hospital have been full of so much love and so many tender moments, my heart can barely contain it all.

Did I mention that I’m not sleeping? I’m not sleeping. At most, I’ve gotten three consecutive hours since the baby was born. Whether I’m being woken by soft newborn cries, or the sharp sting of too much milk in my boobs (sorry, but it’s true), one way or another sleep escapes me entirely. Surprisingly, I haven’t lost my mind completely. I have somehow managed to get the big kids fed and off to school in the mornings, and to keep our house relatively tidy. Ok, the mister gets most of the credit for keeping the house tidy, so I guess what I mean to say is that I’ve managed to not destroy our house, which is kind of the same thing, right?

We’re beginning to find our rhythm, and I’m slowly climbing out from under the weight of all these thoughts I have swimming around in my head. I’ll be honest, it’s hard to spend so many months planning and visualizing one kind of experience only to have the exact opposite come to pass. And I’m a sentimental gal, meaning it’s far too easy for me to be swallowed whole by what ifs and whys.

Tonight was supposed to be our last date. We’d planned on seeing The Grand Budapest Hotel, and enjoying one last fancy meal together. The chances of us actually making it to the theatre to catch this film are slim, let alone getting out for a grown-ups only dinner anytime soon. We did, however, steal away to a favorite local spot for lunch today, and the baby slept through the whole meal. It sure felt like a date. A date chaperoned by the smallest, sweetest person I’ve ever met.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that even though I was caught completely off guard, and rather unexpectedly, I’m finding my way back. And I’m a better, stronger person for it.

PREGNANCY, INTERRUPTED

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There is a very fine line between life and death, one that isn’t always easy to recognize. What is easy, though, is taking for granted the gift of intuition. On February 16, I trusted my instincts over my reasoning and have been permanently altered as a person – and as a parent – as a result.

I can’t say exactly how I knew, only that I did.

The past two weeks have been incredibly intense, and I’m only barely beginning to be able to wrap my mind around the magnitude of it all. It is my hope that as I begin to distill this experience into words, that I will be able to have a better understanding of what I went through, and why.

When February began, I had a sense that it was going to be a busy month, but for very different reasons than what it turned out to be. And here we are, the first day of March, and it seems so surreal that I don’t still have a baby in my belly or a home birth to look forward to. Instead, I have a tiny guy to nuzzle and a sparkly ring on my finger, two of the greatest gifts this life has ever given me.

What surprises me the most about this whole thing is that I’m not sad, really, only nostalgic. Everything happened so suddenly, and I wasn’t exactly prepared. Thankfully, with the love and support of my precious family and dearest friends, I have managed to survive what is easily the most tragic and triumphant time of my life.

I have no inclination as to what this month shall bring, but I’m thinking it’s going to be a good one. And if I’ve learned anything at all from all of this, it’s that my gut feelings are usually spot on.

In that case, I say hello to you, March! Show me what you got.

06/52

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“a portrait of my children, once a week, every week, for 2014”

Emet: Laughing at his something his sister said.
Jade: Watching her brother’s baseball practice.

I have a confession to make: I have been pretty lazy these last couple of weeks where this portrait series is concerned. Sure, I take photos (not really), but do I bother to transfer them to the computer in a timely fashion? After a just a few days of Maternity Leave, however, I’m all caught up and, dare I say it, a bit ahead. I might even share next week’s portraits on time!

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Maternity Leave, how I love you so!

After getting the kids off to school this morning, I climbed back into bed and stayed there until almost 11 AM. That is what I’m talking about! Also, I haven’t stopped eating since I last saw my midwives, and I’m fairly certain the baby and I have both made fighting weight. I’ve not quite reached maximum discomfort yet, though, so I know there’s still room to grow. Which of course is crazy, because look at that enormous belly!

The rest of this week will be spent completing a long list of home projects, things like hanging curtains and rearranging our cabinet space, as well as the first few loads of tiny clothes and diapers. I will be cloth diapering this baby, a first for me, and am pretty excited about these soft little newborn nappies that I’ve started to collect.

These are the days. Being relieved of my responsibilities at school allows me to fully immerse myself in my family during this precious time, and I’m so grateful to be able to have these last few weeks together as we continue to prepare our home and our hearts for the highly anticipated arrival of our new little person.

I still can’t believe that we’re having a baby next month!

6

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Monday morning, I saw Dr. Fan, a wise and wonderful healer who has been graciously tending to my broken foot. A former surgeon, and a master of Chinese medicine, he finally said to me that in order for my foot to heal more quickly, I need to stay off of it completely. I took the rest of the day and spent it in bed and you know what? By that night, the swelling near my injury decreased for the first time in nearly four weeks.

And then I went to school the next day.

By the time I got home that evening, my foot was back to its swollen state, and I was in pain. I was still determined to finish my last week and a half, though.

That is, until I saw my midwives yesterday. Turns out, my belly measures four weeks smaller than it should, which is not terribly concerning, because I’ve measured small during my whole pregnancy. However, I haven’t grown hardly at all since my last visit two weeks ago, and my weight gain is not significant, having put on a mere three pounds since November. They want me off of my feet until they see me again, meaning that my leave is starting a full week earlier than expected.

In other words, today is my last day of work. We’ve reached the home stretch. I keep saying how quickly this pregnancy has gone because it’s true! I can’t believe we’re already here: Maternity Leave.

We’ve managed to collect almost all of the essentials needed for birth and baby, including two very important bottles of Birth Day Champagne. One of my best friends in the whole world is staying with us for the weekend, and I’ve got nine hours left to spend with my sweet students and colleagues before I turn my focus entirely upon my family.

The next six weeks are gonna be so good.

05/52

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“a portrait of my children, once a week, every week, in 2014”

Emet: He loves to laugh.
Jade: Waiting for mama to help with the tangles.

I’m finding it hard to do anything after getting home from school other than put my feet up. These two are trying their best to help me stay relaxed, and are patient with me as I begin to slow down. I’m well aware that our entire rhythm is about to shift, so I’m trying to take it all in stride, but I’m also trying to spend as much quality time with them as possible.

RABBIT RABBIT

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Hello, February!

This month is special, because we can officially start saying that we’re having a baby next month. Also, chocolate.

I have one major goal for these 28 days, and that is to seriously reorganize my house. With a little help from these nesting hormones, and no help whatsoever from my foot, I plan on tackling as many projects as possible. Our housemate has moved on, leaving behind some valuable closet and floor space, of which I intend to make very good use.

I’m two weeks away from my Maternity Leave, so between now and then, I need to make very good use of my weekends. Meaning, it’s Saturday and I’d better get to it.

04/52

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“a portrait of my children, once a week, every week, for 2014”

Emet: The best big brother.
Jade: Sweet sleepy girl.

Between long days at school, various playdates and sleepovers, and a lot of time spent preparing for baby, it was difficult for me to find time to shoot this week’s portraits. My original intention when I started this project was to shoot exclusively with the fancy camera in natural light, and when the entire weekend vanished without me taking single picture, I knew I was going to have to shoot inside our poorly lit house.

I made two different attempts, and neither of them resulted in any exceptional photos, but I shared several priceless moments with both of my kids and really, that is what this project is all about.

In other news, January has been an incredible month for our family. February is shaping up to be equally as exciting, and March. Well, March is when things get really good. 2014, I just knew you were going to be fantastic.